Sunday, April 23, 2017

So, apa la cita-cita kau?

*looks at the title and..
Whoa, you can speak Malay ah, Shaza??


Then why you must post your blog in English? BM sudeh, tak payah la nak show off doh. Macam mengada-ngada jew.. ew.. ew.. ew.. *echo.

I can do whatever I want, so if you will kindly STFU.

Okay, enough of that crap. 
But seriously dude. Has anyone ever given thought to what you want be like in the future? If you were asked, "What do you wanna be when you grow up, dude?" You would probably answer with:

 "A doctor, duh, I'm th'o th'mart liddat," 
"Engineer, most definitely! No, wait. Uhh... " 
"Dunno man. I'm just going with the flow,"
"I think Imma be.. Imma, Imma be... a teacher. Stabil job, lotsa holliday time.. bla bla *I'm not listening anymore*... Bla bla..."
"I totally wanna be a model. I mean, look at my amazing B.O.D"

Well... The things above are written by me approximately 5 years ago. Right now, I'm in university and I have a bunch of abandoned projects and starting up new projects. I'm taking a veterinary medicine course and just in case you're wondering what we do, let me summarize it for you.

We go to classes like any other courses from 8am - 5pm, Monday to Friday, depending on the schedule. We also have practicals during semester break in various animal related fields such as farms, vet clinics, zoo, conservation centres and even labs. Yes, we do surgeries on animals -- cut them up and sewing them back up. X-rays, ultrasound, blood tests and all other diagnostic technique are learned during our 5 years of study. That's it for now.

Does that sound too braggy? No, it wasn't meant to be that way. The truth is I've forgotten the main reason for me to write this post. But whatever the case, everytime I write something, I feel like there should be a message to pass on.

So if there is a message or advice regarding on your ambitions there are a few things:

1. Do not worry if your ambition changes from time to time. That is just how a healthy human should be, dynamic and curious. Doesn't mean that people who only like one thing from birth to death are stale and unhealthy, those people are also dynamic in a way that they pursue their interest and it develops something beautiful. 

2. Do not worry if you don't have an ambition or dream to achieve. Because I will give you something to chase now. I think deep down inside we are all born with the need to be a good person as I mentioned in my previous writing,  so just chase that for the moment. I always find life is like a journey at sea. Not everyone will be departing on the same port and we might end up in different destinations. Maybe sometime in the middle of sailing you forgot where you wanted to go initially, but whatever it is, you must sail forward to find land again. Do you get it? Is that too deep of a metaphor?

3. Stop being blinded on chasing on to be the most advanced or the best in people's eyes. It's important to define yourself what is best for yourself suiting to your wants and needs. 

This is quite an optimistic view on ambition and life itself and I am well aware of that. But we are all born with a demon inside of us (as one of my lecturer has said recently), I feel that we need some sort of bright perspective to fight that demon. So I hope that these words will spring you into action and somehow pull you out of despair, o' great society of depressed people. InshaAllah.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

A world without money

Can you imagine that? If money or wealth did not exist?

You might wonder , "How are we suppose to buy food and get services like taxi or aeroplane and would there be anyone who'd clean the toilet?" and the list goes on and on.

Because- let's face it- everything you do involves money in some sort of form. We're just lucky that our lungs still work and we can breath for free. I would't be surprise if one day we need to pay for the amount of air we breath in. So, better start practicing how to live without breathing. GO EVOLUTION!

Sadly, that's not how evolution works.

Sorry for getting a bit swayed from the original topic. Actually, while I was sitting and staring at the blank space in front of me, I had a thought. What if our lives didn't revolve around money? How would we live our daily lives? Can we live as modern and cultured people as we are now or will we be the same as the wild animals, hunting and solely surviving for food.

IMHO (In my honest opinion), yeah. We can be a modern society even without money. No, no. Not barter system. That's a lousy system. But we'll live off sincerity instead. In malay, the word is "keikhlasan".

Let's say.... I am a chicken farmer. In my village there would be someone who has a paddy field. Another person who tends garden. I provide the chicken to my neighbours. But what do I want from them in exchange? Nothing really. I just got all this chicken and I want to give it to you guys. And if they had this feeling or sincere sort of attitude in them as well, they'd share with me their paddy and vegetables and fruit produce or whatever they have that they think that they could share. What's the difference from barter trade system is that... No, I don't expect you to hand me some veges or paddy every time I hand you my chickens. I give it sincerely. Not because they have paddy that I want or I like to eat ze fruitz. No.

Suddenly, there's a passerby traveller who is hungry for food. Is he a minister? Is he a lowly servant? Who cares. We feed him because we have food and he needs it. That is all. Maybe this traveller will help us in the future. Maybe not. Either way it does not matter.

I do not know how to put this well in a few words. But it's almost like you do something but you don't expect a return payment. If everyone lived like that it will be a peaceful world. But why aren't we living like this? There's only one huge problem. As humans, we are born with GREED. We are so greedy that we are never satisfied even if we have the whole universe in our palm. Maybe selfish too. But that also stems from greed, I think.

There is always a more to everything. Always competing to be better than the best. I know in another perspective, these are good qualities. But from another angle, it can sometimes lead you to pull out a dirty trick. To stop others from gaining on you, you stop them in their tracks. If you can't comprehend how someone will not bring benefit to you, you won't waste your energy for that person. But why can't we be the best together? Why can't we say, "now I have enough". Why do we always think for our own benefit? "Because nobody else is going to look after my ass," Yup. That's right. Because everybody else is like this, everybody else is like that. Who is everybody? Aren't you one of the "everybody"?

Since when has our world become so polluted, so corrupted. Again, I've been thinking too much. But, lately these thinking voices seems like screaming it's hard for me to ignore it.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Mid-sem break

Woah! Look at how time flies. Everyday it seems that time is going by faster and faster. Has anyone ever heard of the phrase that "when kiamat is near, time will fly by so fast as though a minute is like a second". Perhaps it is an indicator, if not the apocalypse then my imminent death.

Not that I'm clearly sure what imminent means. I'm guessing it means coming soon and unavoidable.

Whatever the case, it's my 4th sem in university as a vet student! But honestly, I don't feel like a vet yet. It's the 2nd year of my studies and I should have a sort of feeling that I'm close to the profession, but I feel like I'm still grasping in darkness.

I am ashamed but I won't dilly-dally on the matter and make lame excuse, thus I blame this situation fully on my own attitude. Cocky, stubborn, lazy, slacker attitude.

I used to be all those things, but on a much smaller scale. I got things under control with my fiery motivation. But, now? I don't know what the hell am I chasing for. I know, I know. To be a good vet, one must study hard and almost everything.

I'm sick of it. Learning this shit through books and slides and awfully long lectures. My bum is sore from the long sit. I need to move and run and be free. Let me sweat goddamit. I don't mind trimming goat nails for hours long even if my heart is pounding in fear of scolding. I'm fine with that. That's why I still show up. PFFT.

I'm sick of these crowded lab demonstration with people gushing in trying their best to get the best spot. Similar to rushing to a crowded spot when for the best spot to view a firework or in a concert.


Well, that's why I say I blame fully on my perception and attitude on how I am handling these obstacles. When in reality, these are just tiny, microscopic hardship that I have to face before I can realize my dream and help my family.

I just needed an outlet to justify that. Because if it's only in my head, I seems vague and surreal. But if it's written for the world to see, it becomes permanently etched. No back-offs.

Okies, dets all. Thank you for reading till the end. XOXO

Monday, November 18, 2013

Its time to daydream.

Hey baby. 

Again, i have left my blog in such a state that it seems like i have abondon it foreverrr. 

But no. 

I have a hobby. What i like to do is dream or what we say in Malay "berangan". 

Lately i have been envisioning myself going on trips to everywhere around the world.  Just standing surrounded by new environment. 

Rainforests, skyscrappers, desert, fields of flowers, white-capped mountains. 

I want to see them all. 

Usually i would just rant on twitter, which explains why my blog is abandoned for a while. Lols. 

But then, it began to get crowded and people started to use what i tweet to turn it againts me. So... Well. Whatever. 

So there, that's it. I pray that my dreams will soon be realized. Aamiiiin. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Hey all, I've got a new blog dedicated to Marco, my cat. But the blog is not about Marco, it's kind of a blog where I write my stories. Some short, some long. Mostly cat related and mushy-mushy love-love.

Here's the link:

I only have 3 posts so far. Lol. Let me know what you think! I also accept crazy ideas. Love ya, Daaa~

Monday, November 12, 2012

A letter to a friend.

How are you friend. I haven't picked up your calls for such a long time it seems. I wanted to find my own identity, I said. I wish you would too. We can no longer be intertwined with each other now. We were weak to begin with. The bonds we form we fragile and it brings us only a temporary relief and escape from this harsh world we are living.

Thus I wish you many happiness and if our path should ever cross again, I hope you are better than ever and that you may never forget me. Live life the way you want it to be, no regrets, keep looking forward.

Until next time my friend, my best friend and the only person in this world that truly understands me.

Monday, November 5, 2012

A Little Girl's Dreams.

In a perfect world where everything is perfect and goes as planned...

I would be a happy person and this blog would not exist. :) And tell you what, this world does exist, in my imagination filled head topped with a little madness.

If everything had gone as planned, this is what I aim to achieve:

EL NUMERO UNO: I will have a successful career as a veterinarian who travels the world and sometimes appear in Nat Geo and/or The Discovery Channel.

Not like this woman though. She looks terrified.

EL NUMERO DOS: I also have a small quaint bakeshop back in my hometown.

Something like this bake shop. 

EL NUMERO TRES: I am a hot looking woman who make men fall in love with me at first sight.

That's right, even Kiera Knightley is like... :O

EL NUMERO... em... FOUR BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT FOUR IS IN SPANISH: I will have a few cats and dogs and bunnies and horses and farm animals in my awesome farm house which also has a windmill and a river nearby.

This is where I put the cows.

EL NUMERO FIVE: All animals will fall in love with me including the wild ones.

If it was me, the lion would come to kiss me. HAH!

EL NUMERO SIX: I will have a nice 4WD car.

EL NUMERO SEVEN: I will have all the nice clothes.

EL NUMERO EIGHT: I will have all matching undies.

EL NUMERO NINE: My hair will finally be tamed and obey my every command.

EL NUMERO TEN: I will have a hot looking husband that is to die for and is amazing in every aspect and is also very kind hearted and caring and understands me and completes me and is also rich and smart and everything else.

LASTLY (because eleven just doesn't sound like a nice finish): I have no enemies, everybody loves Shaza and Shaza loves everybody.

So, that's it for now. My father told me to aim high and work for your dreams. So this is me aiming high. I might not achieve all, but if I achieve some of them is better than I achieve nothing.

Next is for your viewing pleasure, I asked on my status: If life gives you lemons, what would you do?
Here is one of the answers:

Let's hope life throws 2 lemons at you. Instead of just 1.